Tag Archives: It’s a Comedy

Crypto Jaw Droppers Here

I’m Just Reading the Signs Peeps

Sign Post One

There’s a Call for You

I didn’t recognize the number. The voice message warned that I was wanted, that there were warrants for my arrest, an all points bulletin had been sent and the police were engaged in an active manhunt. To avoid all of that I was urged to call the number left in the voicemail— now!

I’d received an email that same morning. Someone had tried to change the password to my blog site. Moments later I unexpectedly received a Facebook Messenger notification from an associate. Much the same as the voice message the Messenger message urged me to call this number—now!

I’m racking my brain for my previous crimes. The label I removed from the electrical cord? Marijuana possession- illegal lane change- turn signal deficiencies- bulk bin nibbling- pity party- wishful thinking? What have I done! Why me?

I’m a showman, a juggling act, I had a cute dog then she passed. Lighthearted, breezy style, good natured… Somebody? Anybody? What gives?

Don’t click on that! Our email has been weaponized. My bank routinely “fraud-lock’s” me out of my account.

I’m reading the depressing Cambridge Analytica data driven politically motivated psychological cyber warfare stories from the Guardian. Mercer funding Bannon went offshore where they could then disrupt what are supposed to be free and fair elections.

Zuckerberg is in Europe on Tuesday digging his toe into the linoleum beneath his seat where he is testifying. Wonderkind’s post adolescent prodigy can’t quite invent an app that can defang the duplicitous arrows he has unleashed from his crypto quiver.

Criminality is not just venal— it is mostly brutish, thuggish and smug to the point of not quite so intelligent as the smartest guys in that smoke filled room might have imagined. The brightest bulbs don’t play in those rooms because they read the stories, they know the endings, and it isn’t going to so swell for our digital goon squads.

Monday’s harassment is a testimonial to what? The way it is? The cost of living in a free and open society? What unintended consequences looks like in this psychologically armed for scam and profit social media landscape we now all trudge through?

Be careful not just for what you wish, but for what you click for.

Buy a book, book a show…

Edited Red Star

Getting Rid of Stuff

There is no compromising with your stuff

compromise

Immutable Law of Stuff Riddance

The social activity director has been asked to leave the room— Close the door behind you— All those deadlines, all the things you said you’d get around to but you never did, all those— things?

Yeah peeps it is stuff time again. Toxic recycling center here I come. Second hand stores you’re next. Craigslist for items that still have value— picture’s already posted. The rest of the burden will be my burden to bear. Yeah, I got digital media devices. Yes, a terabyte sized solid state hard drive the size of Tinkerbell has done a fair amount of downsizing and cardboard box eliminating. But, there remains—-more stuff.

Then, there is the immutable law of not needing something until the day after you have discarded the very thing you have lugged up and down stairs, across stateliness, at great expense until you fall into that feverish state where relinquishment becomes sacrament. The newborn proud disposer of previously acquired indispensable stuff you’ve never used finally goes only to turn around a come back to haunt you. First, you buy it, then you never use it, then you try to lose it, only to have the thing come back and bite you in the regretful backside of what was once somebodies idea of a good time. This is stuff’s swan song doing dirge and death march, also known as the local-not nearly nearby as you’d like it to be county garbage dump.

I do not think of myself as a materialist. I have basements, garages, storage areas and overstuffed lockers that argue otherwise. Closets, drawers and shelves put a man like me at risk. I’m more able to resist that next shot of Wild Turkey than  I am able to discipline myself at the mailbox and just toss away another catalogue of mail order stuff that can be here to clog my life by the day after tomorrow.

The whole idea of not getting a hernia is like hoping I won’t get wet while swimming. A pair of gloves that’s what I need, that and some kind of plan. I’ll need to go through things one more time to be sure. I wish the whole idea of having a spring cleaning wasn’t even a time honored tradition, because as things go I could first off enjoy getting rid of that little nattering nuisance of a phrase. Of course words are cheap and stuff is heavy, not item by item but when you figure how much all this stuff weighs on my soul you get the idea right?

I’m starting tomorrow. Things have to change. There is no avoiding the fact I have to get rid of more stuff and worse still is people seeing you getting rid of stuff ask if you’d be willing to take some of their stuff off their hands—? Sure, put right there, I’ll see you when you get back from Tuscany, have a great time. You know where I’ll be.

Buy a book, book a show… let’s do stuff together….

coffee

Hot as Hell, Dark as Death

Edited Red Star

 

 

 

 

 

 

Bikini Days

Tranquility

Kona

The Good Life…

Pace is quickening. Blurred through four/five days in Kona. Tense times on the windward side of the island near the volcano filled the radio and papers with news of eruptions. Visibility was down because of the haze in the air from the eruptions two hours south and west of us. Seismic activity occurred prior to our arrival.

We encamped along the western shores in the south side of Kailua-Kona. We did two beach feasts slathered in sunscreen sheltering beneath parasols. We bodysurfed, ate succulent noshes and drank water. We only regarded the cookies. No sunscreen- plenty of cookies- and lots of beer- is now way too old school and irresponsible behavior for repentant post carnivorous recently converted vegans. The salami fans in the family are crestfallen.

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My Recommendation is you drink your coffee here for all eternity

We took our walks early. Best was into a shaded cool fern forest up at about 6000’. We could hike more but with the heat timing is everything.

The youngest in our family are blissfully foolish and the elders delightful denialist’s. We come from a hardheaded stock. The elephants in the room are ignored while instead we spoil the demure and timid Chihuahua’s lounging in our sofa pits.

The facts of life come dressed in bathing suits. Youth looks great in a bikini. Men would kill to remain fetching in their Speedo but beer and time do not much help matters. Lifespans could be accommodated to fix this shortcoming but by my eye we’d mostly all be dead by 30 but for a genetically gifted handful.

Once upon a time all that mattered was enjoying time near bikini clad beachgoers. Now I am expected to not enjoy my time on the beach with quite so much enthusiasm. More sunscreen, shade and water. Less beer, salami and cookies. I’m doing my best, and that’s being honest with you, would someone hand me my sunglasses…?

As ever buy a book, book a show. It is always the most clever moment…

Edited Red Star

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

May 1, ’18 First of May

Wind and Wave

Akumal headlands small

Shoreline

We are sailing from San Francisco Bay to the Channel Islands this summer. Aside from working on the to-do list and planning is to take pause from preparations and spend time reading Bernard Moitessier. The French-Vietnamese circumnavigator’s maritime narrative reads as lyric verse and Farmers Almanac guidance.

Clutter can accumulate within the mind while preparing a sailboat. In this modern era there is the risk of having too much equipment. Electronic navigation has radically changed the task of keeping an accurate course and position. Automatic Identification System-allows two vessels to view the others information while approaching and take evasive action or as needed to hail by VHF radio. Add the weather satellites and telemetry from the ocean buoys being caught offshore in an unexpected gale is much less common now than in earlier times.

Moitessier reads more as an example in how to exercise judgement. He nudges less seasoned mariners to unloading expectations, Turn the keys to your life over to the seas rhythm and wavelength. Be with the wind and the waves. Listen to the music of the bow wake. Technology can veil the visceral, anxiety can turn attentions inward, the long list of things you didn’t get done before shoving off can distract.

Sweet Seas

We untether from a land based time and begin living on that other scale on the inner clock. Nothing much happens when sailing resembling the pace of the modern world. You become acquainted with the pace and rhythm of the clear and present. Here and now with hundreds of miles ahead asks the voyager to get comfortable in their own bones. Impatience, the odd pace of life at sea, unrealistic expectations will contaminate the mind and fog the lens of judgement. Exercising untainted judgement is the highest form of voyaging art. The best decisions determine whether you and your boat will both live to tell.

Edited Red Star

Buy a book, book a show, and be sure to come back for no good reason other than to have a look-see. I’m right here mate.

April 25, ’18 On a Good Nights Sleep

Getting Horizontal

sleeper

Portlights, Polka Dots, Pillows and Moonbeams

A bed that moves matters to those with gypsy blood and wanderlust on the mind. Favorite pillows, king size or satin sheets matter not one whit. What you want from the place you sleep is for that nocturnal preserve to be your best bet for a cheap nights rest. Price is important. You don’t want to be riled up prior to the sleeping to be disturbed by gouging or steep prices you’ll never forgive yourself being forced to pay.

My wife is the empress connoisseur of fresh air. Two portholes from where air may flow into the rear cabin deliver to her specification. Mostly it is quiet here. Early mornings seabirds can moan and cry about one thing or another. We are convinced their frustrations authentic and bless their squawking.

maestro07 008a

What Sleeping Around Looks Like

I prefer to fall off reading where my wife favors a hard break. Going cold turkey she’ll brush her teeth, hop on into bed then just fall on off as her mind shuts down and sleep comes. Reading- as I prefer- is only forgivable on account of the marriage being vowed and our bond unbreakable. Were we not mated for life the fierce little lady would toss her bunkmate into a fire like a piece of scrap wood for bollocksing up her falling away at the end of the day in peace.

In the harbor sleeping is a near always worry free affair. When anchored out things can take a turn by wind or tide and require the vigilant captain keep watch through the night in the event that natures vicissitudes visit and  make mischief. Anchors drag, lines break, chains snap and boats end up on the hard, beached or worse. You may fall asleep in a dead calm and wake in the dark to howling winds threatening you and your crew in ways that are inconceivably harrowing.

Home

Rocking Gentle into the Good Night

People are inclined by passion to all manner of unwholesomeness. Even when asleep most all of us can still be prone to error and make one or two. In my childhood and while exercising my adolescent privilege to the extreme I denied this truth. Sleeping without error is merely our way of tricking our waking selves seeing sleep as chance. Eventually no matter how you work the notion around inside your head there comes a point where you just have to give into the demon sleep. You may round up your remorsefulness come daybreak. Wait until you’ve had your coffee. Those ready for you to take the blame I’m betting will be distracted by their smartphones and what happens next is there is frequently no account to be held. You cannot ask for a better nights rest with a day getting off to a fresh new start without having to apologize for something you didn’t do. This is the beauty found in the human condition.

Edited Red Star

April 23,’18 Little Bird Love

Life through the Eyes of a Child

Hero Three

Ribbon Dancer from Harvey Milk Civil Rights Academy

Spring Carnival 2018

I have this audacious gut instinct that our teachers across our country are forcing us to use our brains for their intended purpose. Like for one “think” about our most precious renewable natural abundant resource. For what seems like my entire lifetime we went wobbly on aiming our geostrategic sociologically vital insight about the truth of how the world works. And the way it works is that our children hold the key to our future. Got that pilgrim? Our kids count for everything.

Located inside the heads of these odd little replacement parts that are coming up to take over where we left off are these sentient creatures. This generations best and brightest have sitting atop their heads a brain. This is basically our meal ticket, insurance policy and device we’ll use to extract our buttocks from the stinking mess we find ourselves cornered in.

Hero Two

Handing this Mini-Mighty a Chance

My belief system is fully engaged. My bias tuner dialed to full volume to drown out the nincompoops trying to sell me a toupee or sheep’s clothing. We want nothing to do with a society that doesn’t invest in its future. We want everything to do with a tomorrow filled with the most skilled and talented munchkins we can conjure up via the greatest conveyor belt to a better world known to man—- it’s called an education.

Simple enough right? Educate the kids, fix the climate, turn down the volume on stupid and turn up the sound knob on smart. If you don’t have the time- not to worry- our teachers do. I know some underpaid educators who can’t wait to do the most important work our nation can ask of her citizens. Having a family is not enough. We have to love our children—all of our children. We show that love when we support an increase in teachers take home pay.

 

Buy a book, book a show. Either way I promise you I’ll make you laugh. That’s my job

Edited Red Star

 

 

 

April 17,’18 Empire on Respirator

Bring Me a Bigger Wind Bag

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Getting it all wrong

As every new day in this era now includes a dose of obscenity blended with a good dollop of hypocrisy there was otherwise nothing out of the ordinary. Just your typical day. Heroic street magician turned television star Harry Anderson bites the dust at a youthful 65 years of age. Needn’t remind any of you that we are all mere mortals unless while you’ve been enjoying life you’ve also been exercising your right to denial and with any luck a crap lawyer has been keeping you out of trouble in spite of their being deep in in bed with the not so friendly Feds.

We live in the era of where All Empire goes into death throes.

Then with  collective gasp an entire courtroom in NYC shoots astonishment through their nostrils simultaneously. Really sad to see the plotting masterpiece Citizen Kane being eclipsed by the male fueled bimbo eruptions of not so untouchable delusionals.

My wife is ever disciplined, withholding judgement, giving every benefit of the doubt to the caught red-handed. Me, I’m more vindictive and prefer rushing to conclusions. I really don’t need more time I need a more speedy trial.

And for sheer majesty of paradox there was no more esteemable moment in recent times than Stormy Daniels addressing the assembled media horde:

“Hi everyone. So for years, Mr. Cohen has acted like he is above the law, he has considered himself and openly referred to himself as Mr. Trump’s fixer. He has played by a different set of rules or should we say no rules at all. He has never thought that the little man, or especially women or even more women like me, matter. That ends now. My attorney and I are committed to making sure that everyone finds out the truth and facts of what happened and I give my word that we will not rest until that happens. Thank you very much.”

Our history grows more revealing by the day.

Buy a book, book a show… you’ll be well served by either choice. And remember life is a comedy, it has to be a comedy, otherwise why would we all be laughing now that we know how the story ends?

Edited Red Star