60 Word pitch

Here is a simple but important challenge. In 60 words tell someone something about the screenplay— The Last Drop. 

Here is my first attempt—

A much-distracted Commander Zeke Flatiron is unable to resist the bikini clad Svetlana Smirnoff— a Russian double agent— the officer received top-secret orders from the White House, force a settlement to water negotiations over the Colorado River.  Should talks fail the commander’s mission is beyond recall— do as the President has ordered— blow up the dam at Lake Powell.   (59-words)

Second try—

Commander Zeke Flatiron has received top-secret orders from the White House to force a settlement to negotiations over water from the Colorado River.  But the Commander is distracted and unable to resist the bikini clad Svetlana Smirnoff, a Russian double agent. If the negotiations fail, the Commander’s mission is clear- do as the President has ordered- blow up the dam at Lake Powell.  (63-words)

Here is an Artificial Intelligence try at the 60-word challenge—

In a high-stakes race against time, Commander Zeke Flatiron is torn between duty and desire as he navigates treacherous waters of espionage and forbidden love. With the fate of the Colorado River negotiations hanging in the balance, Zeke must confront his inner demons and make a fateful decision: follow his heart or fulfill his presidential mandate to destroy the dam at Lake Powell.  (63-words)

One more variation on AI version—

In a darkly comedic tale, Commander Zeke Flatiron finds himself entangled in a web of absurdity. Tasked with settling water negotiations over the Colorado River, he encounters Svetlana Smirnoff, a seductive Russian double agent sporting a bikini and a wicked sense of humor. As chaos ensues, Flatiron must navigate the thin line between hilarity and catastrophe, contemplating whether to detonate the dam at Lake Powell.  (65-words)

Water Consuming Alfalfa

OK, the thing I notice is that the first of these is my original, it comes in at 59 words, it utilizes the Svetlana detail although it is hardly the most important element in the script. 

I was seeking characters and relationships that would be difficult for a cynically divorced and very doubtful about relationship military officer blended with the most suspicious woman I could dream up— a Russian double agent (sure how can you trust her or any woman)?

My central character, the protagonist, Zeke Flatiron— affectionally named Zee-Zee by the unstoppably affectionate Svetlana Smirnoff is the cause of many problems. 

The government arbitration experts leading the negotiations, Pharoah Papermaster and Brianna Brubaker, he a very short ordinary but rather intangibly attractive man while Brianna is a very tall and full figured stunning Black American woman.  Brianna Brubaker is attracted to shorter men. 

The great antagonist in this script is Maximillian Lugar, he is the executive that heads the California’s State Department of Water Resources, and it is his unwillingness to negotiation in good faith that fuels the plot and pace of the story.

Mesquite not yet leafed out

There is Commander Flatiron’s best buddy, General Drew Deadbolt an US Army Intelligence Officer who sets up Flatiron with Svetlana who is best friends with another Russian spy, the incredibly dangerous to love Tatianna Topoff. 

Flatiron’s two best pilots are both Black American women, both skilled pilots, there is Major Emma Bezel and Lieutenant Colonel Dovey Doverspike. There are nicknames for the two, Emma is known as Henrietta Hot Stuff and Dovey is Boo Bigbone, at one point they fabricate cover names, one is Keisha the other Destiny. Dovey gets her Boo Bigbone moniker due to her anxiety over her size, she always wanted to be a little smaller, when in fact her size is perfect, the two pilots I imagine as both good looking, even if a bit insecure, I see that as kind of a normal thing.

The President delivers secret orders to Flatiron, Deadbolt doesn’t know what the President has ordered Flatiron to do. Flatiron consults with environmental activist, a man with just one name— Hartman. Hartman puts the whole crisis into perspective, the water shortage on the Colorado River is the driver of all the action, and Max Lugar the obstacle to all of the potential solutions.

Enough for now, but for sure, if you have a favorite 60 word pitch, tell me which you like and if there is a reason let me know why.   

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3 months ago

I think I like the last one. It makes me want to read the screenplay the most of the four.