Making a significant amendment to behavior is difficult. It’s hard to get at these things. Jealousy is a good one. This particular interior state of anxiety thrusts the ego into a convulsion of groundlessness. Our hearts and happiness are judged at risk and in our spontaneous splendor we
behave in ways that are rare. The rare behavior rests secreted into the best hiding place and waits dormant there so long it is almost a total surprise when it makes its break out move and confronts circumstances deemed too risky to tolerate. We don’t get over it so much as we get away from it, or it gets away from us. Then, maybe or maybe not, we think we’ve got things back under control only to find, surprise, that it has just been hanging out deep down in the depths of our neurons waiting for that fateful indication of a breach along the edge of our secure self and strikes with all its force and venom yet again. We don’t do anything until we have to and often that is not only the wrong time, it is the worst time. I like to play the out of sight, out of mind game. As the saying goes, the Nile isn’t just a river inEgypt.
Kathy looked at Noel and thought about
what he said. “Messy could be fun. I like messy. Why not? I’m really not that
good a girl, but then I must say,” she hesitated then decided to say it, “I
don’t think Leslie is that good a girl, either.”
Noel let go of Kathy’s hand and stepped
back. He searched her eyes for the truth.
“I kind of got a thing going with Leslie.”
“You went out with her twice? Big deal…
I’ve had Doug over here more than that.”